I'm a momma of TWO!!!

It's been a long time.

I'm not even going to attempt to catch up. I will tell you a few important things that have happened since the last post. On my birthday, March 11, a little over a month past my miscarriage I found out I was pregnant again. BEST. BIRTHDAY. GIFT. EVER! The nurse practitioner at my Dr.'s office seemed skeptical that this pregnancy was viable, so we had a lot of blood tests and ultrasounds in the first trimester. It was definitely viable because 9 months later (it was a very difficult 9 months too), on November 12th I delivered a healthy 8lb7oz baby girl named Quinn Madison. I will post her birth story later...she's awake and will probably be fussing for me to pick her up soon. I just wanted to post about my experience being the mother of two.

Throughout my pregnancy I was worried about being able to love two kids. I mentioned my concern to my sisters and my mom but although they really tried to help me feel better I just didn't. I kept thinking that I already had the perfect child. Hayden is really a good kid. Yes, he does have tantrums, but we've always been able to pinpoint what causes them (hunger, sleepiness, boredom) and stop the tantrum. He's always been a good sleeper, has been as obedient as a toddler can be, he's affectionate, smart and plus he's just so darn cute! I didn't know how this baby girl could be nearly as wonderful as Hayden! I worried that I would always compare the two or that I would like Hayden better. I was worried about Hayden reacting negatively to having a sibling. I wondered how the baby would be, would she nurse ok or would we have issues? would she be colicky? Millions of questions flooded my mind. Then she came. I fell in love with her from the moment Lynette the midwife placed her on my chest. She didn't cry at all, just stared up at me. I can't say that things were easy. Newborns never are! Oh those next couple nights were tough! Any worries of her not nursing well were laid to rest. This girl wanted to be latched on 24/7. With Hayden my milk took 5 days to come in. Hayden was more interested in sleeping than eating so we had some difficulties there. The day I came home from the hospital she nursed and nursed and nursed. And she screamed when I put her down so I could eat! This pattern lasted until my milk finally came in on day 3.

With my milk coming in earlier than with Hayden, another problem came along. I had worried about her being colicky...I don't really know what colick is but I do know that Quinn spent many hours during the day crying. At the time we thought it was something I was eating, but deep down I didn't think that was it. Eventually, after many weeks of holding her on her tummy and wearing down the carpet by pacing back and forth with a crying baby, we figured out that I have what they call OALD (over active let down). This is when the milk comes too fast causing the baby to choke and get upset. I think it also caused her stomach to cramp and made her pass gas. Two months later she's a lot better and the crying spells are more rare.

I don't remember when it happened, it was sometime in the first month when I realized that I DO love both of my babies equally. I think it happened when I was watching Hayden interact with his sister. He doesn't call her Quinn, he calls her "baby" or "baby sister". He ADORES her. He gives her hugs and kisses, and brings her toys, he covers her with blankets and adjusts her headbands. He shows her pictures from his books and shares his toys with her. When she cries he tells me to make her happy. He helps me burp her after she nurses and strokes her hair while she eats. When I took Quinn in for her newborn screening (when they prick the baby's heel) Hayden got very upset with the lab tech for hurting his baby sister. Watching these two children together just melts my heart. She watches Hayden as he plays around her. She smiles at him when he gives her hugs. I just can't imagine life without Quinn here. They already adore each other. Quinn just hasn't quite realized it yet! She's waking up now, so I better go!